his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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