Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was like getting head from an anaconda
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
