the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
