Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
