Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
