five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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