and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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