living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Damn victory sex feels great
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
