how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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