Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
