dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
