I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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