I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
