I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
