How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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