so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
