Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
