I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
