I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
