your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
