Me too!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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