I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
