I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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