Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
