I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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