So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
