puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
