With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
