I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
