ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
