ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
