Is it because I queefed?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
