So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there is glitter all over my balls
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
