im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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