So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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