U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
