After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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