You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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