i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
