I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
