I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
