I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
