Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont even know how to be here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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