So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
