no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
