I can tuck mytits in my pants
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
