i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
