Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
