I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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