I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
