I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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