Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
