I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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